by Jimmy Jacob on Monday, April 16th, 2012 - - 13 CommentsBreak Ups, Confessions, Deal Breakers
Today, I was reading the latest 25 Days To A Better You Challenge for the day and it was quite challenge to think about. In his latest video, he acknowledged the fact that when we resist addressing certain problems in our lives (such as our relationships, career and health issues) that the problems will always persist.
Now considering the fact that I run a personal dating blog, I couldn’t help but think about what people SHOULD resist. When it comes to women in particular, there is one thing I notice and it’s that when they try to address their breakups by solving it with “closure.”
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You fall head over heels for a guy. You had issues with him continuously and felt like he had one foot out of the door. One day he eventually dropped the bomb and broke up with you. You talk endlessly to your girlfriends about the break up and they told you how you’re better off. However, you tell them that you can’t move on from him without the closure you are desperately seeking.
I can’t tell how you counter-productive this is to move on from a man that did you wrong.
Since I started working for Personal Facts, I have received many emails about this very subject. I have female readers ask me how they can get the closure they seek from their failed relationships and every time I receive these nauseating emails, all I can do is sigh and stare at a blank screen struggling not to write a reply that will offend those who poured their hearts out to me.
The truth of the matter is that there are many reasons why women should never seek closure once a relationship ends and it’s about time these reasons were addressed:
Remind Yourself What The Definition of The Word ‘Closure’ Really Is
When you look up the definition of the word ‘closure’ in the dictionary, you will see it is defined as “a bringing to an end” and “a feeling of finality.” Call me crazy, but isn’t that essentially what a break up is? Break ups bring relationships to an end and just because you don’t think you sense a feeling of finality, doesn’t mean that it’s not there. In my books, ‘closure’ is synonymous with breakup, because if it weren’t, the definition would be “a feeling of finality only if both parties are on the same page.” Remember, it takes two to keep a relationship alive and only one to officially end it.
Men Know What Closure Really Means To Women
Playing the “closure card” is something women tend to do more often than men. Let me tell you right now, that when you call, text, tweet or send a recent ex a Facebook message asking to meet up for closure—they know that you are plotting to get back together. It’s a lie a lot of women tell themselves simply to make up an excuse to see their ex one more time. As a man, I’ve been in this boat more times than I would like to admit. I went to meet up with jaded exes for “coffee” after they practically begged me to. I winced when looking at their spray tans, manicures and new outfits and only felt extreme pity knowing they spent their whole days trying to look stunning at a coffee shop and watching them twirl their clip in hair extensions while recalling the past only verified why I broke up with them in the first place. When women seek closure, they’re actually avoiding it. It’s also very unbecoming because it sometimes it shows you have no pride in yourself. If you did, why would you beg to see an ex who did you wrong?
It Only Opens The Door To More Pain
Okay, so let’s say your ex was not a bad guy. He met up with you for coffee and you were strong enough to keep the conversation casual and at the end of it, he felt relieved that you don’t hate him. He says good-bye and walks away. Can you honestly tell me that you feel better after you get your so-called “closure?” Do you feel like you can finally move on with your life and leave the coffee shop whistling Katrina and The Waves’ I’m Walking On Sunshine? NO! Hell no! You feel even worse than you did before. Your heart was probably aching from sitting there across the table missing him the entire time and now you’re wondering why he seems so happy and relieved when you’re dying inside. Like opening up a freshly formed scab, closure only opens the door to more pain.
The Closure You Seek Lies Within You
If you’re really seeking closure, then your exes feelings, emotions (or lack there of) and reasons for the breakup simply don’t matter because that is not closure but rather that’s communication that will not help you move on. Deal with your own emotions, feelings and realize that the relationship is done. Once you can accept that your breakup is a reality then you can say you have the closure you need to move on—plain and simple.
I hope this article helped some of you readers out there, but more importantly I hope that it helps women realize that the idea of closure only brings on more pain and emotionally irrational thoughts. REALIZE your self-worth, IDENTIFY why the relationship is over and don’t RESIST moving on with your life.