9th Day To A Better You: Why Deciding Your Romantic Future Can Actually Hurt Your Relationships

by on Monday, April 23rd, 2012 - 1 Comment - Love, Relationships, Romance

personal-dating-factsWhile doing my homework for Nando’s 25 Day Challenge, the challenge assignment from a couple of days ago really piqued my interests.  The challenge had to do with the choices and decisions we make in our every day lives and how they are two separate entities.

In the challenge, Nando discussed how when we “choose freely,” we are essentially leaving room for endless possibilities in our lives and when we “decide,” we in fact kill off other options.

This led me to think about the choices and decisions we make in our personal dating lives and how when we make certain decisions, (as non-drastic as they can be at the time) they can eventually spiral out of hand and be quite detrimental to our love lives.

So to prove this theory, I have picked out some scenarios in our dating lives where choosing vs deciding usually occurs:

1a.) CHOOSING A Romantic Partner

When considering a potential significant other, those who choose to date someone based off their gut feelings and attraction to them benefit from starting off fresh and keeping everything casual and exciting early on.  When you CHOOSE to date someone, you are also choosing to being open to not mapping out your romantic future and you’re also choosing to better your love life by taking a chance on someone you are interested in.

1b.) DECIDING That A Certain Person For You Is A Better Choice.

Those who DECIDE to be with someone because they seem like they are the better choice, suffer in the long run.  Think about it: There are millions of people in this universe and DECIDING that someone is your ultimate mate is not only unrealistic, it also puts these enormous expectations on them right off the bat.  These decisions usually will haunt you later on as well.  What if you decided to get back with that same heart-breaking ex instead of choosing to be with someone new?  Or better yet, what if you decided to be with someone who was the sensible choice (Mr. Nice Guy) when your heart’s choice is with a lover from your past? Rash decisions will always bite you in the ass at some point–even if you had the best intentions.

2a.) CHOOSING To Sleep With Someone

When you CHOOSE to sleep with someone, you are accepting the fact that sex doesn’t equate to a relationship.  Just because you are physically attracted to someone, does not necessarily guarantee a blissful union out of the sheets.  You are choosing to be with someone sexually because you want to and not because you think by sleeping with them, it will automatically map out your romantic future.

2b.) DECIDING To Sleep With Someone

When you DECIDE to sleep with someone then you are admitting to peer pressure and that you fear your partner leaving you if you don’t.  Sex should be a natural choice.  It should be spontaneous and in the moment and deciding to sleep with someone means you are putting grand expectations on what happens in between the sheets. People who also DECIDE to sleep with someone usually also think that this decision will automatically lead to long-term relationships.

3a.) CHOOSING To Say ‘I Love You.’

When you CHOOSE to say ‘I love you’ to your partner, you are choosing to go with what your heart and head are telling you.  When you CHOOSE to say those three little words, you also accept that you didn’t have to think about it endlessly to tell them how you feel. When you choose to say ‘I love you’ then you choose to be open to the evolution of your relationship.

3b.) DECIDING To Say ‘I Love You.’

When you DECIDE to say ‘I love you,’ you are putting out there to the universe that there is a specified time limit to say those three little words.   When you decide to confess your love to someone, you may also be saying what is expected of you to say, rather than saying what you CHOOSE to. Loving someone is not a decision, but rather it is a choice we make for ourselves–whether we are ready for it or not.

4a.) CHOOSING To Stick By Your Partner

CHOOSING to stick by your partner through thick and thin is something one does when they really love someone for better or for worse.  When you choose to help your partner out through a rough time, then you are showing that you love them for the person they are and NOT for the person you want them to be. You are choosing to be their confidante because you want them in your life–even if they have a mean PMS beast that comes out of them every 28 days. 

4b.) DECIDING To Stick By Your Partner

When you DECIDE to stick by your partner, you are really saying to yourself and to your closest friends and family that you are ‘settling’ for them.  When you make the decision to stick by them, you are admitting you have weighed out the pros and cons and that maybe you are too scared to leave.

5a.) CHOOSING To Move In With Your Partner

When you choose to move in with your partner, you are making the choice to live with them because you want to–and not because you HAVE to. When you choose to co-habitate, it’s to make you honestly feel this choice will open many joyous opportunities in your relationship and you are confident that this choice will better you and your relationship as a whole.

5b.) DECIDING To Move In With Your Partner

When you DECIDE to move in with your partner, you’re doing it because you feel there is no better choice out there for you in the moment. DECIDING to move in with someone implies that you are co-dependent, can’t afford to live on your own or that you think that cohabitation will instantly patch up any relationship issues.  Many people also DECIDE to move in with one another because it’s simply what they think is expected of them after years of dating. Moving in with a partner is definitely something to think about, but in the end, it should be a choice you make freely.

So whether or not you CHOOSE to believe what I have said in this blog, know that  making a decision in your love life always has certain repercussions and unless you’re 100 percent certain (which is impossible to be) then making wise choices always outweighs difficult decisions when it comes to matters of the heart.

So what do you think of this blog? Do you make choices or decisions in your love life? Let me know in the comment section below?



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One Response to “9th Day To A Better You: Why Deciding Your Romantic Future Can Actually Hurt Your Relationships”

  1. Javawaitress says:

    I found this article very thought provoking. I’m still mulling it over even days later. It’s full of good ideas. My only objection comes to Nando prescribing off all these differences between choosing and deciding. Those meanings of those words are just not that vastly different in my experience. I think it’ll confuse people by trying to focus on what is choosing vs deciding because most people use them interchangeably. The more I read your thoughts here, the more it seems to me that the difference is between choosing out of a Fear/Anxiety/Fractured mindframe vs from a Complete/Satisfied/Loving mindframe. I really think you couldn’t just easily switch back & forth between these mind frames like Deciding/Choosing seems to imply…you would need to heal your inner mind frame before you could begin to choose differently. Thanks for making me think!

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