Guest Blog From Sabrina: How A Dirty Dream Mapped Out My Love Life

by on Thursday, April 26th, 2012 - 16 Comments - Break Ups, Confessions, Guest Bloggers, Love, Relationships

Jimmy’s Note: Today is a special day here at Personal Facts because my girlfriend has finally agreed to writing a guest blog that doesn’t involve an angry open letter directed at me.

The other day I had read a 25 Day Challenge topic by Nando where he dissected the complex concept of the chemistry of love and infatuation.

After reading this challenge, all I could think about was my current relationship and how our love, lust and infatuation for one another came to be.

So without further ado, here is Sabrina’s revealing (too revealing at times) perspective of how we met. (To read my own perspective, click HERE)

My name is Sabrina. (A.K.A. drink-throwing girl/profane letter writing girl/drama queen.) Although a lot of you may know me simply as Jimmy’s girlfriend.

Over the past few months, I have noticed how this site has mapped out Jimmy’s love life and how it has impacted his relationships with his close friends and family because of his readers’ input.

Although there are some days I want to drop kick him in the face for divulging (embarrassing) intimate details on this blog as easily as he can gulp down a Guinness, I know it is your feedback that grounds him and it is because of you guys why I have the boyfriend I’ve always wanted.

So as a thank you, I wanted to write a personal blog to you all from MY perspective of how our on and off relationship came to be.  Since this blog has mapped out Jimmy’s love life, I thought it would be only appropriate to write about how a dirty dream mapped out mine.

*Now keep in mind, I remember every detail with Jimmy vividly, so be prepared for a rambling blog. You’ve been warned.

I met Jimmy in early fall 2005 and I can tell you now that it definitely wasn’t love at first sight.

After a bad breakup, I chose to visit a mutual friend of ours named Joe who I was writing for at the time in Toronto.  We went out for drinks and he told me his best friend was coming to join us moments before he had arrived.

First off, let me tell you that Jimmy was not the suave, soul-loving, “down” white guy he thinks he is today.  But rather, he was a 30 Seconds To Mars-loving, chain-smoking (which unfortunately hasn’t changed to this day) guy with a superiority complex and a mean case of LBS. (Lifelong Bachelor Syndrome.)

When he went to hug me, all I could smell was weed, liquor and the lingering smell of sex all over his face. He was the kind of the guy that makes sensible women at a bar risk a bladder infection who don’t want to hear “nice ass!” when going to the washroom.

In other words, I was not impressed–not in the slightest.

After a while of just sitting there uncomfortably, (due to the fact that he was offensive and I had to pee really bad) he asked me if I was single and because I don’t know how to lie, I said yes.

“Why is that? You’re pretty hot.” he replied.

“Gee, thanks. I just got out of a relationship.” I responded.

“He cheated on you, right?” he said with a smirk only a prick could perfect.

“Why would you assume that and yes, he did–with a man.” I said.

There was dead silence for all of five seconds and then Jimmy burst out in laughter. To this day, he still mocks me for getting cheated on by a gay guy and although it’s funny now–it wasn’t then.

I then left Joe and the drunken buffoon immediately.

I didn’t see Jimmy for three months until my next visit to Toronto.  He apologized for his behaviour, even though  he laughed like an idiot while he said it.  At that point, I just decided to take what I could get and let bygones be bygones.

While hanging out at the bar, I became more comfortable hanging out with Joe and Jimmy–especially when Jimmy was more preoccupied with getting in blonde girls’ pants than mocking me for my unfortunate relationship failures.

I decided to get drinks for Joe and I. I waited for the bartender beside Jimmy who was flirting with some poor dumb blonde at the time.  I couldn’t help but listen to his pick up lines. They were so generic and so gross and what made it worse is that they worked on her.

It wasn’t until I heard him say, “You know how I know you want me? Because I can smell you. I can smell how wet you are for me” when I had broke down laughing.

They both turned around and I couldn’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! But girl, you need to get away from this man ASAP.” I said. Jimmy then pushed me aside.

“What the f*ck?” he said.

“You’re disgusting! I mean, that doesn’t even make sense. How can you smell how wet someone is?” I replied.

“Every man can, they just don’t talk about it.  I have the nose of a bloodhound.” he said.

“That’s because you’re a dog.”

I guess the playful banter was too much for the dumb blonde because she ended up leaving and because I had been responsible for it, I bought Jimmy a drink to make up for it.

It was then Make You Feel That Way by Blackalicious came blaring on the speakers at the bar and I started dancing.  It was also then I learned of Jimmy’s love for soul as it was one of his favorite songs as well and he joined me.  As soon as I was beginning to realize that I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, our friend Joe quickly split us up and said that we needed to go home. (I was staying at his place for the weekend)

Later that night, Joe had hit on me. It was awkward and I ended up leaving back to Montreal and unfortunately, I haven’t seen Joe since. At the time though, that didn’t stop me from wanting to smooth things over.  So I called Jimmy in pure desperation.  I knew he was the middle man.  So we talked and talked and talked for about 8 hours–and none of our conversation had to do with Joe.  We talked about everything from crazy exes, our families, our love for Twin Peaks and it was during that conversation (which cost me a 300 dollar phone bill) I understood that there was more than meets the eye with this man.  I wasn’t fully attracted to him however.  He wasn’t my type. God no. But it was nice to talk to someone who wasn’t trying to get into my pants.

Then that’s when it happened: the dream.

That same night, I had this incredibly raunchy dream of Jimmy and I. It was intense, passionate and robust with lust.  I woke up sweating and I cringed with disgust.

I immediately took a shower and I hoped the soap would magically erase all of the dirty thoughts I had in my mind.

It didn’t.

I continued to think about the dream every day and night and unlike most dreams that disappear within minutes of being awake, I was able to recall every moment in vivid detail.  In fact, I started materializing more details with each passing moment.

In short, I was screwed.

A month later, I went back to Toronto to visit family for Christmas holidays and Jimmy and I had already planned to meet up on the first night of my arrival. This time when we met at the bar, it was different and awkward on a totally different level because there was obviously sexual tension in the air.

Jimmy had taken me to this apartment after a few drinks.  While he was in the bathroom, I snooped around his apartment and saw his hidden stack of motown vinyls, his pictures of his interracial family and his many journals of creative writing pieces. I then took at one of his Norman Connor Vinyls and played it. Invitation starting playing.  It was then I knew I wanted this man and it was the first time I knew what would happen next would change my love life and would potentially hurt me in the long run.

Once he came out of the bathroom, I walked across the many empty tall boys in the living room and in a second of pure insanity, I grabbed him and kissed him.

I will never forget that night. I like to say the sex was as magical as it was in my dream, but it wasn’t.

A spring in his worn out IKEA futon kept stabbing us mid-coitus.  His jealous cat kept swatting me in the back of my head, the drinks affected his performance and I also got my period half way into our love session which really did make him the “bloodhound” he coined himself months earlier.

You would think this would turn off anyone but it actually was the best time in my life.  We laughed off every thing. We shared many cigarettes while talking for hours in what he was passing off as a bed.

Technically, Jimmy and I had two months of bliss. Even though I lived six hours away, we talked every night and it wasn’t until he came down to visit me when everything fell apart.

I knew he was falling in love with me and instead of waiting for him to utter those words I wanted him to say, I said them first.  I knew by looking into his eyes that he wasn’t ready for our affections for one another to verbalized.

When he left, I knew it was going to be the last time I saw him for a while and I was right. The night after Jimmy broke my heart over the phone when he arrived back in Toronto.

I was crushed.  I couldn’t eat, sleep or function without crying.  I was getting physical pains in my chest.  I couldn’t breathe. For a while there, I actually thought I was dying of a broken heart.

I become extremely emotional.  Cyber-stalking him whenever I could and crying endlessly when he would post pics of drunken girls he met at the bar on his Myspace profile.  (Yeah, this is going way back.)

Jimmy had a habit of popping in and out of my life for many years after that.  Every time I moved on with someone else, that was his cue to mess everything up.  Everytime I thought he would commit to me, he would disappear like a bat out of hell–leaving me alone and the gut-wrenching feeling that I broke someone’s heart for no reason at all.

I started to resent the fact that my dirty dream from years ago made me into the hopeless and emotional nutbag I became.  I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.  I wished so desperately to forget him but thoughts of him always polluted my mind.

As you know, it wasn’t until I moved back to Toronto late last year, when things changed.  I can’t say the transition period was easy. I still to this very day wake up in a cold sweat and get scared that he will just leave in the middle of the night without any warning.  Everyday spent with him feels like a dream–a dream that I don’t want to wake up from.

And you guys made it happen.  You gave him an audience, a purpose and unbiased perspectives and it is because of your comments (both brutal and kind) that have shaped him into the man he is today.

So thank you. Thank you for making my dirty dream lead to my ‘happily ever after’ destination instead of the dead end I had thought I was destined for.

Yours Truly,

Sabrina

 

 

  • Share This:

  • Pin It

16 Responses to “Guest Blog From Sabrina: How A Dirty Dream Mapped Out My Love Life”

  1. Justlissen says:

    OMG Jimmy, I just love this girl and I dont even know her! She's like the perfect Angela Bofill song… just holistically beautiful. Thanks for gracing us with your presence Sabrina!

  2. NinaFontaine says:

    AH SABRINA!!!! Hey girl! Ditto what Justlissen said!

    • Sabrina says:

      You must be Miss Nina Soul, right? I have definitely listened to some of your musical suggestions you have passed off to Jimmy and believe me some of those suggestions he made were songs he discovered from me. He loves taking all the credit for his "findings." lol

      Thanks Nina for reading and supporting my opinions! :)

      • NinaFontaine says:

        Yes it is I Nina Soul – So the truth is out you are the one with the great musical taste!
        I am so glad you guys are in love and doing well – rooting for you and a happily ever forever!!!

  3. Mina says:

    Amazing article, Sabrina.

    I started following Jimmy's blog after re-entering the weirdness that is the dating game (fiance and I are polyamorus) and thought insight into the brutally honest male mind would be useful and/or amusing. And after thinking, "Hmm, this guy seems a lot like the charmers who alternately draw me or PISS ME OFF!" lol…kidding…mostly:P

    Obviously, in you he found someone with the metaphorical balls to "brutally honest" him right back. Good for you both he was bright enough to see it. Jimmy, never let this woman go!!

    Mina

    • Sabrina says:

      Thanks Mina for the compliment and let me tell you, it was an incredibly long journey to where we are right now. What I love about Jimmy's writing is that he actually does understand the female psyche even though sometimes he can be so incredibly wrong about certain topics! lol

      Although he's very honest about his feelings and before this blog, I never even knew how to read him. I was amazed how he could open himself up so freely. If not, we probably wouldn't be together right now

      I would suggest you have your fiance guest blog for you. Trust me, if he knows he has an audience, he will pour his heart out and you can discover a lot about him.

      Thanks again Mina and you're right, Jimmy is totally one of those draw me and piss me off kind of guys. lol

  4. Sabrina says:

    Aww…you're so sweet! Jimmy has talked about you and your blog before and I just have to say that you are the strong and beautiful one. Your strength is inspiring and thank you for supporting our relationship! :)

  5. staciah says:

    Amazing how men and women have such different perspectives of a relationship. LOVED THIS! Always great to hear from the "other half" and especially Jimmy's other half!

    Jimmy is one of a kind, at least from this blogger's perspective. Whatever it took to get him where he is in this relationship is just an awesome thing. So glad it's going great for the both of you :)

    xoxo to both!

    Stacia

    • Sabrina says:

      Thanks Staciah!

      Jimmy told me there have been a couple of female writers that he works with who wanted to hear from me! I'm guessing you're one of them! :) He is one of a kind…I agree.

      I like to think fate had something to do with our relationship finally becoming official. :)

  6. jwoodny says:

    The fact that Jimmy was willing to surrender his virtual space to you says alot about the level of trust and respect that he has for you, not only as a woman, but as HIS woman! That's crazy amazing, congrats to both of you!

    There's lots of Jimmys out there (I'm 1 of them LOL) but the ironic thing is we always come full circle to the Girlfriend Zero. Great post and hope to see some more of your perspective in the future

  7. Monique says:

    Sabrina is kinda awesome. I love her take on how you two met. This was a great read and I hope you allow her to tell her side more often.

    • Sabrina says:

      Thanks Jwoodny!

      The fact that he has mentioned my vibrator, farts and our personal fights is probably why he surrendered his virtual space to me. lol

      Girlfriend Zero…I like how that sounds! Thanks for the comments!

    • Sabrina says:

      Thanks Monique!!

      If he lets me, I will be back on, no doubt! :)

  8. She Traces says:

    I can't stop laughing at the jealous cat reference…lol. No way will I believe a cat could harbor such feelings.

    Great writing, thanks for sharing!

    • Sabrina says:

      I wish I was joking.

      That cat is still jealous to this day. Can't have him in the room anymore!

      Thanks for the comment!

  9. Javawaitress says:

    Thanks for sharing! It’s neat to hear both perspectives. I guess I wonder what ways he has shown you that he’s ready for a real relationship with you now? I know part of it simply must be that leap of trust and faith on your part but also I would imagine that there must be subtle or obvious ways that he showed you things were different this time? I ask because when my last boyfriend finally said he wanted to get serious, I felt very lost as to how to know he was finally sincere. I didn’t trust him and of course it didn’t work out.

Leave a Reply

*

Twitter Users
Enter your personal information in the form or sign in with your Twitter account by clicking the button below.

Twitter Tweet This