by Jimmy Jacob on Wednesday, May 9th, 2012 - - 3 CommentsBreak Ups, Confessions
I always find it strange how intuitive women are yet they tend to ignore their intuitions when it comes to matters of the heart and loins. Yesterday, while talking to a good friend online about her pseudo quasi relationship, I was inspired to write a personal blog about how to know when a guy is hung up on his ex.
One of the reasons why I think a lot of women choose to avoid the signs is because they think they are constantly aware of them. Listen, you ladies all know that if you’re doppelganger of his ex, or if you catch him talking about his ex more than a fanboy virgin has been talking about the plot for The Avengers 2 that he’s obviously not the one.
But what about the other signs you choose to ignore?
I am confident every woman who dates a guy who is hung up on their ex knows almost right away–but they choose to ignore some “not so subtle” signs because he’s a “good guy” and here are the signs you should pay attention to rather than avoiding.
Red Flag # 1: He Will Literally Say “I’m Not Ready To Date Seriously” The First Time You Go Out
Women tend to train themselves not to bring up an ex they’re still hung up on when on their first date with a guy. However, when men fall in love and have their hearts broken, they don’t filter their innermost thoughts on a first date. In fact, we rather bring up our recent breakups right away and say that we’re not looking for a serious relationship. We delude ourselves to think that this will be some kind of “emotional insurance” just in case you get hurt. The second a guy says this—just get out as soon as possible. Do you want to know why? Because if you don’t, you will end up kissing him at the end of the night and fall for him simply because he’s slightly unavailable.
Red Flag #2: Every Time You Go Out Feels Like A Pseudo Date Rather Than A Real One
So let’s say you ignored red flag number one. If so, you’re now re-playing the “movie-like” makeout session in your head. However, you still think you’re in control of your emotions, so you wait the necessary three days before contacting him. You send him a friendly text to start up a conversation. At the end of the texting marathon, you plan to meet up and you convince yourself that a) it wasn’t you that made the plans possible and b) that it is in fact a date. However, once you meet up it’s awkward again. It’s like he erased the previous makeout session from his head. So how do you make it a pseudo date into a real one? You make out with him again of course. If dating this guy is like going out with Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, then again, get out now before you get hurt–and trust me, you will.
Red Flag # 3: He Rarely Responds To Texts In A Timely Fashion
So you’ve ignored the first two red flags and at this point you are convinced the butterflies in your stomach are from the chemistry between the two of you rather than the fear of the probability that you are being rejected. You want to get in contact with him so you send him a simple ‘How R U Doing?’ text hoping this will spark a conversation. You wait and you wait and you wait some more. 12 hours later he responds with ‘Good & U?’ You then convince yourself that he was extremely busy despite the fact that he updated his Facebook status at least three times after your text. Let me tell you right now that if a guy is into you and not hung up on his ex, he would be the one contacting you more frequently. So if you are constantly fighting the urge to text or call him, then delete his number. You are not the one on his mind.
Red Flag # 4: He Doesn’t Want To Go “Downtown.”
Read this one carefully because it won’t be discussed on any other dating blog. If you have ignored the following red flags, you now are convincing yourself that you need to seduce him. You send him some sexy texts and invite him to your place. At this point, he’s only human so he if he thinks he can “get it in,” he will most likely try—however he avoids going down on you even though he welcomes the oral pleasure you so willfully give him. Although I personally like orally pleasing any woman I’m going out with, there is a certain code out there that a lot of men follow and that is they only go down on women they are in a serious relationship with. It sounds stupid as hell, but trust me, this is a reality. So if you have to literally push his head down, then please know his heart (and tongue) do not belong to you.
Red Flag #5: He Seems Cold After Sex
So you had “the sex.” You convince yourself that it was awkward as f*ck because it was your first time together rather than the fact that he’s simply not that into you because he’s thinking about his ex. He seems very distant and the post-coital cuddling seems like a mandatory task for him. He falls asleep and you don’t wake him up because if he sleeps over, then he must really like you, right? So in the morning you think you can erase the awkward sex from the previous night and you try to seduce him in the morning and your attempts fail. He tells you he needs to leave and if you’re still left wondering if he really likes you, then please know that the second he leaves your house, he’s already thinking about letting you down gently via text message. Expect a message in 2 to 3 days.
Did this sound familiar to you? I’m not a psychic, I’m just like every man who has done this in the past. One of the reasons why women fall victim to ignoring the red flags is because they tell themselves that their romantic lives are different from everybody else’s. They deny the harsh truth that when it comes to relationships, they are all text book cases.
However, there is one more major reason why women ignore the signs that the guy they’re seeing is still hung up on his ex and be warned that although this may sound sexist as hell–I’m just going by statistics. I find that a lot of women think they can win over a guy who is still in love with his ex, because they can date someone seriously even if they themselves are hung up on an ex.
It’s a sad fact, but when it comes to breakups, men usually have the upper hand. 8 times out of 10, we are usually the ones who decide to end things and we are usually the ones who make the grand gestures to get back together. So if you are dating a guy who is hung up on his ex, it doesn’t matter how beautiful, smart and funny you are, in all likelihood, he will most likely get back with her.
So instead of going after someone who is so obviously unattainable, start valuing your self-worth because there is another statistic you should be aware of: there is always a better guy in your life pining away for you.