by Jimmy Jacob on Wednesday, May 30th, 2012 - - 12 CommentsConfessions
Women are exquisite creatures and it’s no secret that I put my girlfriend on a pedestal. She’s smart, sexy, relatively low maintenance and a Robin Scherbatsky-like pop culture geek to boot. Although over the past few months of OFFICIALLY dating her, I couldn’t help but notice the gargantuan number of weird shit she does that puzzles me to no end.
Sometimes I verbalize my utter confusion, but other times I just watch it happen and mentally take notes while trying not to raise an eyebrow or laugh my ass off.
Just like the post I had done with ‘Questions About Women Men Need Answers To’ , I’m hoping you ladies will be able to either provide me some logical answers as to why she does this or confirm my suspicions that she is indeed a sexy ‘freak of nature.’
1. Flamingo Leg
Every time my girlfriend is in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, hair or washing her face, without fail she will perch one leg on the sink while standing with the other one. I’ve asked her why she does that and she looked at me like I was an alien and said, “Because it’s comfortable.” I have no idea how standing like a flamingo is more comfortable than placing both your feet on the ground, but to each her own.
2. World’s Laziest Dishwasher
Every two weeks, I make a habit of picking up dish washing soap for Sabrina. Why you may be wondering? Unlike normal people who squeeze a little bit of soap and fill the sink with water, my girlfriend likes to take the dishwashing soap, squeeze it over the dishes like someone would squeeze ketchup over french fries and simply just rinse it off the dishes–with cold water. WTF?
3. Empty Tampax Box Hoarder
Every time I look under my own sink for q-tips, I always have to search endlessly for them because of all the empty TAMPAX boxes in my f*cking cupboard. I always wonder why she doesn’t throw them out. Is she too embarrassed to put them in my recycling box? Too lazy to throw them in the garbage or simply just trying to create a false sense of hope when that time of the month does eventually arrive? Hmmm…..
4. Drinks Ballerina Tea And Tells Me About It
Recently I discovered what ballerina tea was due to the fact my girlfriend started a detox diet last week. Apparently it’s this tea that helps with weight loss—however the only thing it does to my girlfriend is make her run to the bathroom with ‘the runs’ and then run to me after to tell me all about it. If I have to hear about my girlfriend’s “pirouette movements” one more time, I will freak the hell out.
5. Eats Snacks Like A Pregnant Woman
When I’m hungry, I will make myself a sandwich and eat a bag of chips. When my girlfriend is hungry, she eats the weirdest sh*t. She will open a can of tuna, eat it from the can with no shame whatsoever and wash it down with Coca-Cola—ONLY Coca-Cola. She will also eat pickled habanero hot peppers and wash it down with COLD (only cold) chocolate-covered pretzels. I have bought pregnancy tests simply because of her weird appetite alone.
6. Leaves Hair In The Bathtub
My girlfriend will nag me endlessly for leaving my facial hair in her sink after I have shaved, which would be fine if she didn’t leave her hairs in the bathtub. FYI ladies, little hairs in the bathtub is far more disgusting than in the sink, because we all know where those hairs you have shaved off have been. She is the reason why I use body wash now. (I still can’t get that image of the hairy bar soap out of my head to this very day.)
7. Time Wasting Hair Stylist
My girlfriend has a curly mane of hair, so when she straightens it, I know it’s going to take a long time. She will spend close to an hour straightening it only to put it in a bun or ponytail after she’s done. I don’t understand the point of that.
8. Apartment Skipper
I am certainly positive this is a Sabrina-only trait because I can’t recall dating any girl who skips everywhere she goes. When we’re out in public, she has the sexiest walk ever–although when we’re behind closed doors, my girlfriend will skip everywhere she goes like she’s a five-year old. She skips to answer the door. She skips when she runs to her phone. She skips even when she’s headed to the bathroom. It’s actually quite endearing at times–although when she trips, (because she’s so f*cking klutzy) I can’t help but laugh my ass off.
9. Sexting Tease
In the day, my girlfriend will sometimes send me the dirtiest texts while I’m working promising me kinky treats when I get home. Then when I come home and I’m treated to her watching Duets–swooning over Robin Thicke and acting like those texts never existed. Why? Why does she DO that?
10. She Gave Me A Chance To Be Her Boyfriend
I still have no clue how I snagged her and even though she is truly one of the quirkiest girls I have ever dated, I am so glad to be her boyfriend.
Thoughts? Please ease my mind by commenting below!