Weird Things My Girlfriend Does And I’m Afraid Other Women Do Too
by Jimmy Jacob on Wednesday, May 30th, 2012 - 12 Comments - Confessions
Women are exquisite creatures and it’s no secret that I put my girlfriend on a pedestal. She’s smart, sexy, relatively low maintenance and a Robin Scherbatsky-like pop culture geek to boot. Although over the past few months of OFFICIALLY dating her, I couldn’t help but notice the gargantuan number of weird shit she does that puzzles me to no end.
Sometimes I verbalize my utter confusion, but other times I just watch it happen and mentally take notes while trying not to raise an eyebrow or laugh my ass off.
Just like the post I had done with ‘Questions About Women Men Need Answers To’ , I’m hoping you ladies will be able to either provide me some logical answers as to why she does this or confirm my suspicions that she is indeed a sexy ‘freak of nature.’
1. Flamingo Leg
Every time my girlfriend is in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, hair or washing her face, without fail she will perch one leg on the sink while standing with the other one. I’ve asked her why she does that and she looked at me like I was an alien and said, “Because it’s comfortable.” I have no idea how standing like a flamingo is more comfortable than placing both your feet on the ground, but to each her own.
2. World’s Laziest Dishwasher
Every two weeks, I make a habit of picking up dish washing soap for Sabrina. Why you may be wondering? Unlike normal people who squeeze a little bit of soap and fill the sink with water, my girlfriend likes to take the dishwashing soap, squeeze it over the dishes like someone would squeeze ketchup over french fries and simply just rinse it off the dishes–with cold water. WTF?
3. Empty Tampax Box Hoarder
Every time I look under my own sink for q-tips, I always have to search endlessly for them because of all the empty TAMPAX boxes in my f*cking cupboard. I always wonder why she doesn’t throw them out. Is she too embarrassed to put them in my recycling box? Too lazy to throw them in the garbage or simply just trying to create a false sense of hope when that time of the month does eventually arrive? Hmmm…..
4. Drinks Ballerina Tea And Tells Me About It
Recently I discovered what ballerina tea was due to the fact my girlfriend started a detox diet last week. Apparently it’s this tea that helps with weight loss—however the only thing it does to my girlfriend is make her run to the bathroom with ‘the runs’ and then run to me after to tell me all about it. If I have to hear about my girlfriend’s “pirouette movements” one more time, I will freak the hell out.
5. Eats Snacks Like A Pregnant Woman
When I’m hungry, I will make myself a sandwich and eat a bag of chips. When my girlfriend is hungry, she eats the weirdest sh*t. She will open a can of tuna, eat it from the can with no shame whatsoever and wash it down with Coca-Cola—ONLY Coca-Cola. She will also eat pickled habanero hot peppers and wash it down with COLD (only cold) chocolate-covered pretzels. I have bought pregnancy tests simply because of her weird appetite alone.
6. Leaves Hair In The Bathtub
My girlfriend will nag me endlessly for leaving my facial hair in her sink after I have shaved, which would be fine if she didn’t leave her hairs in the bathtub. FYI ladies, little hairs in the bathtub is far more disgusting than in the sink, because we all know where those hairs you have shaved off have been. She is the reason why I use body wash now. (I still can’t get that image of the hairy bar soap out of my head to this very day.)
7. Time Wasting Hair Stylist
My girlfriend has a curly mane of hair, so when she straightens it, I know it’s going to take a long time. She will spend close to an hour straightening it only to put it in a bun or ponytail after she’s done. I don’t understand the point of that.
8. Apartment Skipper
I am certainly positive this is a Sabrina-only trait because I can’t recall dating any girl who skips everywhere she goes. When we’re out in public, she has the sexiest walk ever–although when we’re behind closed doors, my girlfriend will skip everywhere she goes like she’s a five-year old. She skips to answer the door. She skips when she runs to her phone. She skips even when she’s headed to the bathroom. It’s actually quite endearing at times–although when she trips, (because she’s so f*cking klutzy) I can’t help but laugh my ass off.
9. Sexting Tease
In the day, my girlfriend will sometimes send me the dirtiest texts while I’m working promising me kinky treats when I get home. Then when I come home and I’m treated to her watching Duets–swooning over Robin Thicke and acting like those texts never existed. Why? Why does she DO that?
10. She Gave Me A Chance To Be Her Boyfriend
I still have no clue how I snagged her and even though she is truly one of the quirkiest girls I have ever dated, I am so glad to be her boyfriend.
Thoughts? Please ease my mind by commenting below!
She's alone of most of those thing however I do like pickled habanero hot peppers followed by chocolate ice cream. I'm not a fan of salt but I can understand how that chocolate-covered pretzels would be nice. I'm betting the cold thing is so it doesn't melt on her hands more then anything
Women got some weird taste buds…that's all I gotta say!
Too funny! I'll try to help you out
1. This might actually be a girl thing (or a yoga thing
) and I bet it has something to do with the way women's hips are that sometimes makes it more comfortable to flamingo leg.
2. This is how my grandfather, who is in his 80s, washes dishes
I've found this habit entirely depends on how the person was taught to wash dishes, as opposed to a girl/guy thing.
3. Some people just forget to throw things out? I've seen my fair share of bachelor pads that had a collection of empty toilet paper rolls for no discernible reason. I'd suggest just make sure to always check there on recycling day and be a sweet boyfriend and pitch the empty boxes for her
4. I had never heard of this tea before, but now that I've read up about it, it sounds scary and unhealthy
I'm sure your girlfriend is gorgeous and there's got to be a better way to lose a few extra pounds (of just water weight, not actually fat) by doing a fun activity instead.
http://www.ehow.com/about_5097701_ballerina-tea-s…
http://www.livestrong.com/article/164486-side-eff…
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-dos-and-donts-…
5. I've known a lot of pregnant women, and none of them actually had any wacky cravings – that's mostly something made up by movies for the sake of comedy. Cravings are usually because your body is trying to tell you it's missing something in the diet, but then again I know folks who have peanut butter and bacon sandwiches for breakfast, so weird foods is very relative
6. Ewww! Whomever shaves wherever should rinse afterwards, that just polite. In all fairness though, most people have at least one sloppy habit around the house, I practically have a 'no pants club' of male and female friends who love to just throw their pants off as soon as they get in the door, and those pants usually stay where they were flung for a while.
7. Actually it's probably easier to put her hair in a ponytail or bun once it is straightened, if she's trying to get a smooth look. I have really straight hair, and that's about all I ever do with it, it's so boring I would love to have super curly hair. When my biracial nieces get their hair straightened then it's easier for them to get a smooth bun or straight ponytail, but then I miss their curls. Of course the girls I know with curly hair wish their was straight, so I bet it's just one of those body image things most folks end up with. Just curious, have you seen Chris Rocks "Good Hair"?
8. I don't know anyone who does that, except all the children I babysit. But it sounds super cute!
9. Sorry that's just hilarious
Isn't it better that she's sexting you, then not sexting at all? Maybe she's just having fun, or keeping things spicy, or maybe she's hoping for something from you – I really hope you ask her! There's lots of different reasons for 'teasing', maybe she's getting some mental erotic entertainment out of it, but you won't know until you ask.
10. I bet there's plenty of quirkiness to go around, and you two sound super cute together
All the best!
Wow Veronica!
Thanks for the dissecting each question, now I think you ALL are nuts!
(Just Kidding)
Glad to know she's not a total f*cking weirdo.
Thanks for the comments and don't be a stranger!
Your fears are correct I'm afraid. At least in part — I am guilty of 3, 7, 9 and even 8! Except I actually have been known to skip in public too — I just find its faster and more efficient.
The only help I can offer is in the past when I've sent sexy txts during the day, I really did mean to do those dirty things I described…then the rest of life got in the way and I got so exhausted i would just forget. Best laid plans…pun intended.
As always, enjoyed your post!
Thanks for explaining the sexting—I think I might get rid of my cable for less distractions when I got home. The boob tube is just way too addictive at times.
Thanks for the comment "sexting tease."
I'm guilty of 1, 3, and 5. I'm too lazy to hand wash dishes (thank you dishwasher) and I don't skip…anywhere! I don't leave short hairs though my long ass hair has been known to clog a drain or two (I shed I can't help it!) I have an INSANE mop of thick curly hair that I REFUSE to straighten because it's freaking pointless and takes FOREVER.
I'm with sassy on the sexting. While I normally follow through sometimes things get in the way or we secretly want you to swoop in and say, "Oh hell no…you can DVR that! You turned me on so much today I HAVE to have you NOW!" cause we like that…a lot.
That is one of the most adorable things I have read in a long time.~
So the hair thing… trot down to Bed, Bath and Beyond and pick up the smallest colander known to mankind. Place over the drain and it catches all the hair (and I mean ALL the hair). Of course now someone has to clean that puppy out on a regular basis but at least it won't be left around the tub or clogging the drain.
I've eaten tuna out of a can but more often than not I'll eat cold Chunky soup out of can. Everyone in my family does this, men and women.
I will spend the time (and since I have a lot of hair it is a considerable amount of time) drying and styling my hair, only to put it up in a ponytail halfway through the morning. There is absolutely no reason for this.
So here is my question for you: how come when I was getting busy a few weeks ago, the guy pulled my hair out of the ponytail? My hair kept getting in the way (in my mouth and my eyes and was just a pain) so I tried to put it back in the ponytail but he threw the elastic on the other side of the room. What's up with that?
My boyfriend, Blake, and I were just discussing 5 a few days ago.
When he's hungry, he's like…hmm…bag of chips
When I'm hungry I'm like…apple, a few crackers, cold left over pizza, dill pickle, yogurt…are those chips? Can I have some?
I wish I had an answer for this one haha!
I have to admit that I read the first weird thing… I even teared of laugh. I do that, A LOT. I find it relaxing, but still don't know why, sorry! (Juuuuust wondering… by any chance, does she balance the "flamingo leg" a bit? I'd be glad I'm not the only one! haha )
I'm guilty of 1, 3, 5 and 8!
About number 8, I've been clumsy since I was a kid, but I've "learned how to fall" trying to use "ninja moves". Truth is I still fall but at least my boyfriend cracks up on my tries, and so do I- But when I succeed I feel like a ninja-neo-cat-super-woah!
Oooh, snacks… Yes I mix some weird things, problem is that I eat just a little of everything, so I end up with different half-eaten bags for days that probably some other day I won't even want to look at…
And the hair, oh the hair… I have reeeeeeeeeeeally long straight hair that likes to go everywhere (and by long I mean that it easily reaches my knees…), but I'm always sure ofcollecting it from the carpet, the bathroom and clothes, I used to tell my sister I could make a pet with it, or a nice wig
I agree to Pammygirl's question, why would he loose my hair so often (although he complains about his own hair getting in his eyes and mouth…) and also throw the band to the other side of the room, even if it becomes a mess and we end up entangled in it?
And hey! I just found the page, and I'm glad I did! I've laughed and learnt a lot. I'll probably drop by frequently now
Thank you!
Have you ever thought about publishing an ebook or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have
you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would enjoy your
work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.