by Jimmy Jacob on Friday, June 8th, 2012 - - 1 CommentConfessions, Dating, Guest Bloggers, Relationships
While I am busy writing guest blogs and sorting out my own relationship issues, (I put myself in the doghouse this week) regular guest writer J Woodruff of 30 And Beyond has come to the rescue to share his sharp insight on the differences between dating and hanging out. What I really like about J is that we share similar writing styles and experiences and I respect anybody who provides excellent advice without all that sugar-coating BS.
I hope you all enjoy J’s article and I agree with this man 101 percent!
Now off to sort out my drama. Pray for me.
Twitter is an awesome resource for topics when it comes to relationships. You could literally write a self-serving e-book then turn it into a marketable movie if you follow the right people. The one topic that is always scheduled to drop on #blacktwitter like a Flex rant is the $200 date debate.
As irony would have it, people not even in the tax bracket to comfortably afford a $200 date complain about why that price tag is ludicrous. Most of the male tweets indulge in the quid pro quo requirement of taking a young female suitor on a $200 date. #butyougotthemJsthough. Coming from a guy who lived in New York City for 11 years, $200 is common and in some cases a regular occasion. However, let’s be clear; you do not take a woman you’re not currently dating out with that financial value.
This is a snippet of a conversation that took place with a good friend. She was trying to comprehend why a guy she’s known for 4 months, but has only spent time with 3 times, isn’t taking things to the “next level”.
Her: I don’t know why he’s actin’ funny now. We had a good time and we talk almost every day.
Me: Well, what did ya’ll do?
Her: Went to see The Avengers, then we came back and watched some of the game.
Me: Did you cook for him?
Her: No, hell no. We’re not there yet.
Me: Uh ok (long sigh) Ok, how late did he stay?
Her: He left when the game went off.
Me: That wasn’t a date. That was an outing.
Her: Wait what?
For some women, they look at it from the stance of “if he asked me out and he paid, that was a date”. I call bullsh!t. It’s far too many women saying they go on dates when they’re actually participating in serial outings. Expensive yet infrequent outings aren’t guaranteed to lead you to dating, therefore the terms aren’t synonymous. Allow me to use a tweet from a Twitter buddy who endorsed my standing belief.
It may seem like semantics, but you cannot date someone you barely know. To date someone is to mutually acknowledge that you’re aware of goals and intents. By having a continuum of conversations and developing a sense of routine, it’s established that whatever time you spend is ultimately going to lead into a monogamous relationship. There is no “wait and see” or “will he or won’t he”.
With outings, there’s nebulous tension. Guys want everything to be right so that their time isn’t wasted. With dates (or should I say the act of dating), you know exactly why you’re doing the things you do. In my experience and observations, outings thrive on hope and dates continue on certainty. When you’re getting to know someone, you’re committing to egregious, abnormal errors on the hope that she’ll let you “in”. When you’re dating someone, it’s within the parameters of you knowing what’s going to happen because your actions intend for it.
I love sports, so I’ll tie this into a football analogy. NY Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz had an outstanding season! He was right up in the ranks statistically with Megatron, who is currently the highest paid player in the NFL. Cruz is a crucial reason the Giants made it to and won the Superbowl. One would think that would warrant a raise right? Or in the sports world, an extension? Wrong! Cruz got the chance to really show the Giants front office what he’s capable of. But they’re holding out to see if he can be consistent before they decide to loosen their wallet.
Because of my theory on outings and dates, I think women should look at hanging out as a job fair with on-the-spot interviews. When you’re looking for employment, you don’t apply to one job at a time. So why should you only “hang out” with 1 guy at a time waiting for him to take you on a proper date? I’ll sign off with this tidbit my married friend told me the other night, “a man’s true interest in a woman is never confusing. If you have to look for signs to confirm his interest, it doesn’t exist.”
Tweet J some love at his personal Twitter page by clicking HERE.