Sexual Acts You Should Avoid When You’re Somebody’s Girlfriend

by on Wednesday, September 19th, 2012 - 2 Comments - Break Ups, Casual Sex, Confessions, Dating, Relationships, Sex, Turn offs

We’re all sexual creatures and although I condone letting your freak flag fly in your relationship to a certain extent, there are certainly some sex acts that should be avoided when you’re in a serious relationship.

You see, when a man is exclusively going out with a woman, she’s his lady, his queen and his prima donna.  We may know you’re not a virgin, but we definitely delude ourselves that when we’re with you, we are the only ones that you have been intimate with.

I bring up this subject, because I know that when you’re in a long-term relationship or if just started dating someone exclusively,  a lot of women (at least a lot I know) tend to turn to their Cosmopolitan magazine looking for something new to try in the sack and let me tell you now that 70 percent of the suggestions in that magazine would have your boyfriend running for the hills if you dared try them.

So without further ado, here are five no-nos you should never commit when you’re in a committed relationship:

5. Playing With The Perineum

Here’s a cardinal sin that I see Cosmopolitan promote on a monthly basis and for some f*cked up reason, the magazine actually says this is extremely encouraged. Let me tell you right now, I don’t care if the spot is supposed to be pleasurable, it’s not.  We won’t let you get close enough to prove us otherwise. Besides, do you really want your finger near our hairy, dirty assholes anyway?  If you want to test my theory out, ask him if you can touch “it” after he begs you for anal. He will quickly shut his f*cking trap.  Trust me.

 4. Initiating Threesomes

If a man is truly into you and if you’re not in an open relationship, trust me when I say he does not want to share you with anyone. Sure, he may fantasize about being in a three-way with you and your sexy best friend, but it should always stay a fantasy.  No guy I know (including myself) have been in a threesome with someone they are still currently dating.

3. Asking Him To Hit You

I love rough sex.  If you want me to throw you around, toss you on the bed and give it to you hard, then that’s A-ok. One time, I was with a girl who liked it way too rough.  She asked me to hit her and when I didn’t oblige, she slapped me multiple times, begging me to hit her. When I still didn’t oblige, she then started punching herself in the face. Yes, my erection was gone faster than a pack of Lindsay Lohan’s cigarettes.  If a man considers you “his lady,” he does not want to hurt you and even if he’s tempted to give you a little slap, he probably won’t because who knows what could happen down the road. What happens when you break up and you happen to accuse of him hitting you? It’s our insurance from blackmail just in case a bad breakup does occur in the future.  Just stick to spanking.

2. Any Role Play Scenarios That Involve Us Playing Your Father

I never understood the whole, “who’s your daddy?” thing.  It’s creepy, f*cked up and weird and basically just verifies that you snagged a gal with mucho daddy issues. In short, don’t ever call your boyfriend “daddy” in bed. (“Papi” is a mild exception.)

1. Golden Shower Play

Don’t ever ask your boyfriend for a golden shower.  I don’t care how strong and loving your relationship is now, if you ever break up, you will forever be known as “the girl who likes to get pissed on.” Not exactly a title a woman should ever embrace.

Am I leaving any acts out? Let me know in the comment section below! 

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2 Responses to “Sexual Acts You Should Avoid When You’re Somebody’s Girlfriend”

  1. ShaneAwesome says:

    Fam said she started punching herself in the face though… (closes piano and walks out) LOL!!!

  2. ShaneAwesome says:

    Dude said she started punching herself in the face though… lol!!

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