by Jimmy Jacob on Thursday, October 11th, 2012 - - 2 CommentsConfessions, Dating, Turn offs
While catching up on my blog reading from the dating bloggers I respect, I stumbled on a blog written by my girl ‘The Honest Bitch‘ about how she was able to cure herself from a crush she had from a while ago.
It was this blog that inspired me to write today’s entry and it made me realize that the word ‘crush’ is not just limited to our high school years but rather it is universal. No matter if you’re sixteen or thirty-seven, we all still have crushes and more times than not, we have been crushed by the object of our affections when they don’t feel the same way about us.
I find when it comes to crushes, men and women deal with the rejection of them very differently. I find more guys crush over their available platonic gal pals who will date everyone but them, while women tend to crush over their taken guy friends or co-workers.
Being rejected by a crush is as common as getting a cold, but somehow we have all been guilty at least one time in our lives of treating these rejections like an incurable disease that is eating us from the inside out.
It’s important to realize that a crush is nothing to be bed-ridden over and there are certain different steps for both men and women that they can take to successfully cure their common “crush.”
Step 1: (For Men)-Stop Putting Down The Guys She Likes
After you’ve been rejected by a girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, it’s difficult not to scream at the top of your lungs, “What is wrong with you? You sleep with every asshole in town and you won’t give me a chance? The one who actually cares about you?” Guess what, no matter how you feel like letting her know that, just don’t. This is something only “nice guys” do and from my experience, I’ve noticed “nice guys” are not that nice. They tend to guilt trip their crushes through their passive-aggressive behaviour and they put down other men to make themselves look better. So what? You were rejected. If she wants to date guys who don’t appreciate her, it’s her loss, not yours. You can’t force attraction.
Step # 2: (For Women)-Stop Putting YOURSELF Down
Women who get rejected tend to blame themselves when the guy doesn’t like them. I grew up with two sisters and trust me it was a little heart breaking anytime one of them got rejected from a crush. They would straighten their beautiful curly hair, get diet pills and put loads of makeup on hoping that if they changed who they were, that they would be pretty again. Ladies, you should never judge your self-worth based off one guy who wasn’t that into you. You are going to meet thousands of people in your life and it would be extremely vain to think that everyone you find attractive will find you attractive as well. Also, if he has a girlfriend, then there’s no reason to put yourself down. Would you rather he cheat on her and use you? Would you rather the guy to feel guilt tripped to date you only to tell you that he’s not “feeling it” after you slept together? Sure it sucks, but suck it up and realize that this is a blessing in disguise.
Step # 2: (For Men) Make Yourself Less Available
Are you always there for your crush when she needs a shoulder to cry on? Do you listen to her talk for hours and always make yourself available when she’s free? Well, then stop that shit now! It’s not her fault that she doesn’t like you, but that doesn’t mean your friendship can only benefit her in the long run. If it’s hard being around her, then go away for a while. Don’t fully disappear, but don’t make yourself that available at a moment’s notice. If everything is not alright, then don’t pretend like it’s normal–or it’s just going to end up in a blow up eventually.
Step # 2: (For Women) Make Yourself Less Available….Online.
Although I hate to say this, when men reject women they’re not into (no matter if they’re good friends or acquaintances) he most likely won’t be contacting them anytime soon to hang out. If he’s a good guy, he won’t block you from his Twitter or Facebook which is why it’s important to refrain from commenting on his FB wall or twitter feed. If you need to, delete him entirely from your social media world if his tagged photos with his friends or his hot babe of a girlfriend are too much to bear.
Step # 3: (For Men) Realize You’re Not “Duckie”
It’s essential for a guy to realize that their rejected crush is not the love of their lives. Let’s face it: when you’re a dude, you have crushed on all of your attractive female friends at some point. It’s just the way we are. If you look at the situation like that, then it’s easier to deal with.
Step # 4: (For Women) Realize That He’s Not “Your Big”
I find that a lot of women like to compare their own love lives to Sex And The City a lot and it always makes me laugh that they give their f*ck buddies, failed dates or crushes they have been rejected from the same status as Mr. Big in their own romantic lives. When a guy rejects your advances, there is NO hope. He’s emotionally available—he’s just not emotionally available to YOU. By clarifying the difference between an on and off guy from a guy who isn’t and has never been interested in you is good for the soul and the psyche because hoping for this guy to declare his love for you will just waste a lot of time on your end and life is far too short even to talk about how short it really is.
Step # 4: (For Men) Makeover Your Attitude
If being rejected is a regular thing that happens in your love life, you may want to reconsider how you approach the women in your life. Do you hide your feelings? Are you waiting for her to make the first move? Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Then as a man, you need to change your attitude. You need to know how it feels like to just pick up a girl at a bar who you are not interested in emotionally if only to learn how to not fall in love with every female that is nice to you. Change your approach and you can do wonders.
Step # 4: (For Women) Get A Makeover
Now when I say get a makeover, I don’t mean get a makeover that will appeal to the crush that rejected you. Get a makeover that makes YOU feel good about yourself. Treat yourself to a shopping spree, get your nails done and buy new perfume. When you feel good about yourself, you gain confidence. When you gain confidence, you gain attention.
Step # 5: (For Men) Don’t Go On A Bender
When a guy gets rejected, usually the first thing he wants to do is drink his ass off until he can’t remember that a girl crushed his ego and pride. It’s the worst thing you can do and it only verifies to your crush why she rejected you in the first place.
Step # 5: (For Women) Don’t Go For A “Fassbender.”
When a woman gets rejected, the first thing she usually feels like doing (beside crying her eyes out) is going out on the town and finding a new guy to get under to get over her crush. It’s very rare you will ever encounter Prince Charming when you do this, but rather you will most likely encounter someone like Michael Fassbender in Shame. The last thing you need right now is to feel even more worthless.
Having a crush not reciprocate the same feelings as you do may suck, but it’s something that everybody goes through and something everybody has been faced with as well. It’s apart of life and it’s necessary because although it may not seem like it at the time, these unfortunate experiences always lead you to the one you’re supposed to be with in the long run.
Thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below!