by Jimmy Jacob on Thursday, October 18th, 2012 - - 3 CommentsBreak Ups, Confessions, Dating, Deal Breakers, Online Dating, Relationships, Twitter
While watching my buddy’s latest video on his site called “The Day Facebook F*cked My Sh*t Up” I couldn’t help but laugh…because what I had predicted about how Facebook Timeline would ruin relationships had come true.
I’m pretty sure we’re all aware of the rumor that was started a few weeks ago about how private messages were posted on Timeline. In most cases, this proved to be untrue as most of the messages were just previous wall posts. However, I can solemnly say that some people were affected and one of those people actually turned out to be my own girlfriend.
Facebook denies this, however I think it was a temporary glitch and they won’t come clean which is fine because everyone should have been aware by now that eventually anything you write online, might or will bite you in the ass one day.
It got me thinking about how we use social media in our lives and how we have let our poor etiquette affect and potentially ruin many relationships.
Social media is great if you know how to use it, but if you abuse it, you might find yourself destined to fail in every relationship you get into if you’re obsessed with your lives online.
That is why I conducted my own list of ten commandments one should follow while on Facebook or Twitter in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
Commandment #1: Thou Shall Not Interrogate Their Significant Others About Tweets That Have Nothing To Do With Them.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know how I had once suggested that Twitter was the new relationship killer. Personally, I think it is dumb as “twuck” to actually accuse your lover of something they tweeted about if it wasn’t directed at their them. Listen, if you’re dating someone who is faithful or smart, they know not to put anything cryptic about cheating or “twirting” online with others–especially if the whole world can see. If you must ask, bring it up casually in conversation. Punishment: Having your lover unfollow you and they make their Twitter page private without any argument from you.
Commandment # 2: Thou Shall Not Check In Their Significant Other On Facebook Without Their Permission.
I personally think this is not only the dumbest Facebook feature but also the most dangerous as well. Think about it: Do you really want all of your Facebook friends to know where you are? If you do, then all the power to you. However, if your significant other has a psycho ex (like I do) or if they played hooky from work and were checked in at the movie theatre when they should be home sick in bed, then you caused them unnecessary drama or problems just from an unnecessary feature that only promotes vanity. Punishment: You must be checked in at your bathroom by your significant other while sitting on the toilet.
Commandment # 3: Thou Shall Not Harass Thy Significant’s Ex On Any Social Media Platform.
I have a rule I follow in every relationship: You can only keep in contact with exes you were civil with prior to when you started dating your current partner. That’s how I feel about Facebook. Although I do understand getting upset when you see on your lover’s wall that their smoking hot ex and him or her are officially FB friends, getting upset about exes still on their Facebook friends list (who were added before you started dating) is ridiculous. Be the bigger person and refrain from sending out personal messages or passive aggressive “pokes”–or you and that ex you’re harassing with one more thing in common. Punishment: DUMPSVILLE!
Commandment # 4:Thou Shall Not Get Mad At Their Significant Other For Anything They Have Written On Their Timeline Before You Started Dating Them.
Facebook Timeline has made us all embarrassed by our pasts. It’s amazing how much someone can change from one year, let alone four. So when you’re snooping on your significant other’s page and see that in 2008 they were huge woo girls or players, let it go. Stop snooping through the past and just live in the present. Punishment: Having only limited access to your significant other’s FB page.
Commandment # 5: Thou Shall Not Post Personal Fights On Facebook or Twitter To Gain Sympathy.
I’m sorry if this sounds sexist, but women are notorious for pulling off their jackass move. I have seen so many statuses involving broken-hearted emoticons and depressing hashtags, that it blows my mind. A mature person knows not to air their dirty laundry out there for the world to see. If you’re going through problems in your relationship, just call over a friend or go out for a drink–other you look like a gigantic attention whore. Punishment: A status change from in a relationship to single
Commandment #6:Thou Shall Not Tag Their Significant Other In Pictures That They Have No Knowledge Of Being In. (e.g. naked, drunk or sleeping photos)
Funny pictures are okay to put up on occasion. However, if your significant other is laying naked on the bed and scratching their ass, drooling in their sleep or being carried out in a drunken stupor, then please use some discretion. Don’t embarrass the hell out of your lover for no reason other to publicly mock them. Punishment: You must have your ugliest childhood picture put up or a picture with you screaming or crying your ass off on a rollercoaster.
Commandment # 7: Thou Shall Not Get Upset If Their Significant Other’s New Profile Pic Doesn’t Include Them In It.
You need to remember that just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you are ONE entity. You are two separate people and if your relationship status is out there for the world to see, then you have no right to get mad at your significant other if he or she wants to put a new photo with them and their best friend up on their profile picture. Remember, your relationship does not not define you as a person. Punishment: Having your significant other remove their relationship status altogether.
Commandment #8:Thou Shall Not Get Their Friends To Follow Their Significant Other Simply To Spy On Them
So let’s say you are one of the few smart people out there that doesn’t have a Facebook or Twitter account. Asking your friends to add your significant other just to spy on them, is simply unacceptable. You’re proving to your significant other that you don’t trust them and trust is the key component to any healthy relationship. Punishment: Your significant other can block and delete your friends from his or her accounts without any argument from you.
Commandment #9: Thou Shall Not Publicly Post Sexual Messages On Wall Posts and Tweets.
It’s called “sexting” for a reason. There are no “sexbooking” or “twucking” slang words and that is because it’s extremely horrifying to have your grandparents read about what you’re going to have done to you in the bedroom later that night on their newsfeeds. Keep it private. Punishment: You must take off all family members of your significant other off your social media pages.
Commandment # 10: Thou Shall Not Use Facebook To Measure The Success Of Their Relationship Based On statuses, photos and mentions.
Prior to popular belief, Facebook is not the real world. People used to fall victim to comparing their relationships to their friend’s relationships. Cars, money, house, kids and careers were once used as a basis of comparison in regards to their own personal relationships, now it’s tagged instagram photos, ick-worthy status updates and check in updates to fun locations that are foolishly compared to our own relationships. Who really gives a shit if you don’t post a lot of pictures or don’t post gag-inducing statuses about each other? Facebook does not define your relationship, happiness and intimacy–in fact, it just exposes the opposite. Punishment: DUMPSVILLE!
Have any of your own personal commandments to share? Let me know in the comment section below!