I know what y’all are thinking: Jimmy is whipped like a muthafu*ka.

I’ve been gone for a while now and I will try to quickly tell you why:

1. I’m A Little Uninspired

It’s not that I have nothing to say. I’m just happy…which is a blessing if not a curse at the same time. If you’re a writer, being happy is not conducive to your best work. Chaos made me hungry and now stability has made me full.  It’s not to say that I have not been writing on my personal downtime. In fact, I have been writing something I thought I could never do.

2. I’m Finally My Own Boss

A while back,  I was talking about going off the grid  and how my friend Manny got a great screenwriting gig. Well that same friend invited me out to Ink Drinks, which is a monthly group for industry writers at a bar in Toronto.  During one of those outings, I met up with a few producers, which led to an opportunity where I was paid and commissioned to write a horror remake for them.  It was enough money that I was able to quit my job and finally focus on an actual writing career.  So now, all of my creative energy has been put into that.

3. Relationship Transitioning

So I know a lot of you have been wondering about what has going on with Sabrina and I. We’re still going strong, although I can’t say it has been the best of times. Things took a hit in our relationship back in October when her job ended her contract at her position. You see, she originally moved to Toronto temporarily to take over a position for someone during maternity leave, but now that we have started a relationship and moved in together, she had to give in her notice for her permanent Montreal job as well.  That wouldn’t have been such a problem if finding a job in Toronto wasn’t as difficult as Lindsay Lohan’s The Canyons getting into a respectful film festival.

So there was a lot of worrying and before my big screenwriting gig, there was a lot of guilt and resentment that took over. It’s a shame that financial independence can play so heavily on the success of a relationship, but thankfully I was able to get her my same position I left at my old job and now I can take care of her financially with the money I’m making from my script.

Also, we have finally transitioned into a new level into our relationship. When it comes to describingus, it pretty much plays out much like how Celine and Jesse’s relationship in Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Before we started dating, we were always constantly in the throes of idealized physical passion.  Now that we’ve moved past the honeymoon period and that we’re older, we also have annoyances with one another that don’t invoke the passion that brought us together. It’s quite the balancing act and although it is slightly disappointing to know that physical attraction and intensity eventually give ways to tolerance and friendship in every relationship, I wouldn’t trade it in for anything else in the world….even a life long supply of poutine.

So that’s what has been happening with me. I will be here periodically, however if you want to catch new daily blogs, go to onlinepersonalsfaq.com . Many of you don’t know this, but Personal Facts, started out as an experiment at my job. It was a dinky little blog used to help out my web firm. However, when they weren’t getting the results they wanted, they took it off my daily tasks and since then, I used Personal Facts as my own my personal blog.  Now that I got Sabrina in as a writer at the web firm, she’s going to need some help getting it off the ground as well.

I will be writing my first blog for her tomorrow and she writes all the reviews for the dating sites. Please follow Online Personals FAQ on Twitter HERE and we will both be responding to tweets and questions. Since I’m finished my second draft of my script, I have a lot of time on my hands.

Glad to be back and looking forward to getting reacquainted with you all.

I’m pretty sure we’re all aware of the rumor that was started a few weeks ago about how private messages were posted on Timeline.  In most cases, this proved to be untrue as most of the messages were just previous wall posts.  However, I can solemnly say that some people were affected and one of those people actually turned out to be my own girlfriend.

Facebook denies this, however I think it was a temporary glitch and they won’t come clean which is fine because everyone should have been aware by now that eventually anything you write online, might or will bite you in the ass one day.

It got me thinking about how we use social media in our lives and how we have let our poor etiquette affect and potentially ruin many relationships.

Social media is great if you know how to use it, but if you abuse it, you might find yourself destined to fail in every relationship you get into if you’re obsessed with your lives online.

That is why I conducted my own list of ten commandments one should follow while on Facebook or Twitter in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

Commandment #1: Thou Shall Not Interrogate Their Significant Others About Tweets That Have Nothing To Do With Them.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know how I had once suggested that Twitter was the new relationship killer. Personally, I think it is dumb as “twuck” to actually accuse your lover of something they tweeted about if it wasn’t directed at their them. Listen, if you’re dating someone who is faithful or smart, they know not to put anything cryptic about cheating or “twirting” online with others–especially if the whole world can see.  If you must ask, bring it up casually in conversation. Punishment: Having your lover unfollow you and they make their Twitter page private without any argument from you.

Commandment # 2: Thou Shall Not Check In Their Significant Other On Facebook Without Their Permission.

I personally think this is not only the dumbest Facebook feature but also the most dangerous as well. Think about it: Do you really want all of your Facebook friends to know where you are? If you do, then all the power to you. However, if your significant other has a psycho ex (like I do) or if they played hooky from work and were checked in at the movie theatre when they should be home sick in bed, then you caused them unnecessary drama or problems just from an unnecessary feature that only promotes vanity. Punishment: You must be checked in at your bathroom by your significant other while sitting on the toilet. 

Commandment # 3: Thou Shall Not Harass Thy Significant’s Ex On Any Social Media Platform.

I have a rule I follow in every relationship: You can only keep in contact with exes you were civil with prior to when you started dating your current partner.  That’s how I feel about Facebook. Although I do understand getting upset when you see on your lover’s wall that their smoking hot ex and him or her are officially FB friends, getting upset about exes still on their Facebook friends list (who were added before you started dating) is ridiculous. Be the bigger person and refrain from sending out personal messages or passive aggressive “pokes”–or you and that ex you’re harassing with one more thing in common. Punishment: DUMPSVILLE!

Commandment # 4:Thou Shall Not Get Mad At Their Significant Other For Anything They Have Written On Their Timeline Before You Started Dating Them.

Facebook Timeline has made us all embarrassed by our pasts. It’s amazing how much someone can change from one year, let alone four. So when you’re snooping on your significant other’s page and see that in 2008 they were huge woo girls or players, let it go. Stop snooping through the past and just live in the present. Punishment: Having only limited access to your significant other’s FB page.

 Commandment # 5: Thou Shall Not Post Personal Fights On Facebook or Twitter To Gain Sympathy.

I’m sorry if this sounds sexist, but women are notorious for pulling off their jackass move.  I have seen so many statuses involving broken-hearted emoticons and depressing hashtags, that it blows my mind.  A mature person knows not to air their dirty laundry out there for the world to see. If you’re going through problems in your relationship, just call over a friend or go out for a drink–other you look like a gigantic attention whore. Punishment: A status change from in a relationship to single

Commandment #6:Thou Shall Not Tag Their Significant Other In Pictures That They Have No Knowledge Of Being In. (e.g. naked, drunk or sleeping photos)

Funny pictures are okay to put up on occasion. However, if your significant other is laying naked on the bed and scratching their ass, drooling in their sleep or being carried out in a drunken stupor, then please use some discretion. Don’t embarrass the hell out of your lover for no reason other to publicly mock them. Punishment: You must have your ugliest childhood picture put up or a picture with you screaming or crying your ass off on a rollercoaster.

Commandment # 7: Thou Shall Not Get Upset If Their Significant Other’s New Profile Pic Doesn’t Include Them In It.

You need to remember that just because you are a couple doesn’t mean you are ONE entity. You are two separate people and if your relationship status is out there for the world to see, then you have no right to get mad at your significant other if he or she wants to put a new photo with them and their best friend up on their profile picture.  Remember, your relationship does not not define you as a person. Punishment: Having your significant other remove their relationship status altogether.

Commandment #8:Thou Shall Not Get Their Friends To Follow Their Significant Other Simply To Spy On Them

So let’s say you are one of the few smart people out there that doesn’t have a Facebook or Twitter account. Asking your friends to add your significant other just to spy on them, is simply unacceptable.  You’re proving to your significant other that you don’t trust them and trust is the key component to any healthy relationship. Punishment: Your significant other can block and delete your friends from his or her accounts without any argument from you.

Commandment #9: Thou Shall Not Publicly Post Sexual Messages On Wall Posts and Tweets.

It’s called “sexting” for a reason. There are no “sexbooking” or “twucking” slang words and that is because it’s extremely horrifying to have your grandparents read about what you’re going to have done to you in the bedroom later that night on their newsfeeds. Keep it private. Punishment: You must take off all family members of your significant other off your social media pages.

Commandment # 10: Thou Shall Not Use Facebook To Measure The Success Of Their Relationship Based On statuses, photos and mentions.

Prior to popular belief, Facebook is not the real world. People used to fall victim to comparing their relationships to their friend’s relationships. Cars, money, house, kids and careers were once used as a basis of comparison in regards to their own personal relationships, now it’s tagged instagram photos, ick-worthy status updates and check in updates to fun locations that are foolishly compared to our own relationships. Who really gives a shit if you don’t post a lot of pictures or don’t post gag-inducing statuses about each other? Facebook does not define your relationship, happiness and intimacy–in fact, it just exposes the opposite. Punishment: DUMPSVILLE!

Have any of your own personal commandments to share? Let me know in the comment section below! 

It was this blog that inspired me to write today’s entry and it made me realize that the word ‘crush’ is not just limited to our high school years but rather it is universal.  No matter if you’re sixteen or thirty-seven, we all still have crushes and more times than not, we have been crushed by the object of our affections when they don’t feel the same way about us.

I find when it comes to crushes, men and women deal with the rejection of them very differently.  I find more guys crush over their available platonic gal pals who will date everyone but them, while women tend to crush over their taken guy friends or co-workers.

Being rejected by a crush is as common as getting a cold, but somehow we have all been guilty at least one time in our lives of treating these rejections like an incurable disease that is eating us from the inside out.

It’s important to realize that a crush is nothing to be bed-ridden over and there are certain different steps for both men and women that they can take to successfully cure their common “crush.”

Step 1: (For Men)-Stop Putting Down The Guys She Likes

After you’ve been rejected by a girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, it’s difficult not to scream at the top of your lungs, “What is wrong with you? You sleep with every asshole in town and you won’t give me a chance? The one who actually cares about you?”  Guess what, no matter how you feel like letting her know that, just don’t. This is something only “nice guys” do and from my experience, I’ve noticed “nice guys” are not that nice. They tend to guilt trip their crushes through their passive-aggressive behaviour and they put down other men to make themselves look better.  So what? You were rejected. If she wants to date guys who don’t appreciate her, it’s her loss, not yours.  You can’t force attraction.

Step # 2: (For Women)-Stop Putting YOURSELF Down

Women who get rejected tend to blame themselves when the guy doesn’t like them. I grew up with two sisters and trust me it was a little heart breaking anytime one of them got rejected from a crush. They would straighten their beautiful curly hair, get diet pills and put loads of makeup on hoping that if they changed who they were, that they would be pretty again. Ladies, you should never judge your self-worth based off one guy who wasn’t that into you. You are going to meet thousands of people in your life and it would be extremely vain to think that everyone you find attractive will find you attractive as well.  Also, if he has a girlfriend, then there’s no reason to put yourself down. Would you rather he cheat on her and use you? Would you rather the guy to feel guilt tripped to date you only to tell you that he’s not “feeling it” after you slept together? Sure it sucks, but suck it up and realize that this is a blessing in disguise.

Step # 2: (For Men) Make Yourself Less Available

Are you always there for your crush when she needs a shoulder to cry on? Do you listen to her talk for hours and always make yourself available when she’s free? Well, then stop that shit now! It’s not her fault that she doesn’t like you, but that doesn’t mean your friendship can only benefit her in the long run.  If it’s hard being around her, then go away for a while. Don’t fully disappear, but don’t make yourself that available at a moment’s notice.  If everything is not alright, then don’t pretend like it’s normal–or it’s just going to end up in a blow up eventually.

Step # 2: (For Women) Make Yourself Less Available….Online.

Although I hate to say this, when men reject women they’re not into (no matter if they’re good friends or acquaintances) he most likely won’t be contacting them anytime soon to hang out. If he’s a good guy, he won’t block you from his Twitter or Facebook which is why it’s important to refrain from commenting on his FB wall or twitter feed. If you need to, delete him entirely from your social media world if his tagged photos with his friends or his hot babe of a girlfriend are too much to bear.

Step # 3: (For Men) Realize You’re Not “Duckie”

It’s essential for a guy to realize that their rejected crush is not the love of their lives. Let’s face it: when you’re a dude, you have crushed on all of your attractive female  friends at some point. It’s just the way we are. If you look at the situation like that, then it’s easier to deal with.

Step # 4: (For Women) Realize That He’s Not “Your Big”

I find that a lot of women like to compare their own love lives to Sex And The City  a lot and it always makes me laugh that they give their f*ck buddies, failed dates or crushes they have been rejected from the same status as Mr. Big in their own romantic lives.  When a guy rejects your advances, there is NO hope. He’s emotionally available—he’s just not emotionally available to YOU.  By clarifying the difference between an on and off guy from a guy who isn’t and has never been interested in you is good for the soul and the psyche because hoping for this guy to declare his love for you will just waste a lot of time on your end and life is far too short even to talk about how short it really is.

Step # 4: (For Men) Makeover Your Attitude

If being rejected is a regular thing that happens in your love life, you may want to reconsider how you approach the women in your life. Do you hide your feelings? Are you waiting for her to make the first move?  Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Then as a man, you need to change your attitude.  You need to know how it feels like to just pick up a girl at a bar who you are not interested in emotionally if only to learn how to not fall in love with every female that is nice to you. Change your approach and you can do wonders.

Step # 4: (For Women) Get A Makeover

Now when I say get a makeover, I don’t mean get a makeover that will appeal to the crush that rejected you. Get a makeover that makes YOU feel good about yourself. Treat yourself to a shopping spree, get your nails done and buy new perfume.  When you feel good about yourself, you gain confidence. When you gain confidence, you gain attention.

Step # 5: (For Men) Don’t Go On A Bender

When a guy gets rejected, usually the first thing he wants to do is drink his ass off until he can’t remember that a girl crushed his ego and pride.  It’s the worst thing you can do and it only verifies to your crush why she rejected you in the first place.

Step # 5: (For Women) Don’t Go For A “Fassbender.”

When a woman gets rejected, the first thing she usually feels like doing (beside crying her eyes out) is going out on the town and finding a new guy to get under to get over her crush. It’s very rare you will ever encounter Prince Charming when you do this, but rather you will most likely encounter someone like Michael Fassbender in Shame. The last thing you need right now is to feel even more worthless.

Having a crush not reciprocate the same feelings as you do may suck, but it’s something that everybody goes through and something everybody has been faced with as well.  It’s apart of life and it’s necessary because although it may not seem like it at the time, these unfortunate experiences always lead you to the one you’re supposed to be with in the long run. 

Thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below! 

A while back, I had written about the one look men give that affect women the most (and it’s not flattering) and it has taken this long to actually explain the looks women give that affect men the most.

My buddies always call me the “chick whisperer,” thinking I have some sort of special talent for reading a woman’s wants and needs.  I tell them that any joe blow can do it, they just have to ignore all the other distractions.

A lot of guys I know think they can decipher what a woman is thinking and what she wants by her body language, her smile, her cleavage and by what she says. It’s not until we get older when we realize that’s it’s all (and always has been) in the eyes.

Some men use this to their advantage and those men are usually the ones who disappear for no reason. Smarter men know how to read each of these looks and either embrace their woman’s wants or needs or get out of a relationship without having to get a peace bond or restraining order made in the process.

So here are five looks ladies give that have and will always affect men the most:

Look #1: “The CRAZY Eyes”

Description:   An irrational look that is given after you hurt or disappoint a woman in a big way.  It is a look that makes us guy think, ‘Damn, this bitch is crazy.’

What is accompanied by the look: Women who tend to give this look usually breathe very heavy, wear smirks that suggest they are going to f*ck your life up and they may have a sharp or heavy object in their hands or even worse, a pregnancy test.

What is our initial reaction?: When a guy sees the crazy eyes, we usually just freeze up.  The smart ones usually back away and get out without turning their backs to the crazy eye giver on the way out.  We regret having sex with you in the first place and are usually thinking of changing our numbers, our email passwords and our names on our social media accounts before the conversation is done.

Which ladies are likely to give these looks?: In my personal experience, ladies who are moderately attractive to smoking hot are most likely to give these looks.  Jaded ex-girlfriends, friends with benefits and slutty bar flys “looking for Mr. Goodbar” are also likely suspects.

Look # 2: “The WIFEY Eyes”

Description:  An attentive look that when given makes the recipient realize that the woman is not someone to bang and leave. They are Miss Grand and deserve to be treated as such.

What is accompanied by the look?: Contagious laughter, amazing conversation, shy smiles and expressive hand gestures during conversation

What is our initial reaction?: It really depends on the guy on this one. If we’re ready, willing and able to take the plunge, we will. However, if we’re immature and have not acquired the stability (be it financial or emotional) we need to be in a healthy relationship, we will most likely run away, hurt you and pine for you secretly.

Which ladies are likely to give these looks: Talented, empathetic, articulate, strong-headed and opinionated women who know what and who they want in their lives.

Look #3: “The YOU AIN’T SH*T Eyes”

Description: A cut eye look that is given when a man has let a woman down more times than not.

What is accompanied by the look?: Teeth sucking, pouty lips, aggravated sighs, silent treatment and the word “whatever” will most certainly be used.

What is our initial reaction?: A man will feel completely emasculated when a woman gives him this look. He will either do everything in his power to make you happy or he will be irritated beyond belief and just up and leave.

Which ladies are likely to give these looks?: Ball breaking women who know they have power over their men, women who on the verge of cheating or leaving the relationship or women who are dating young boys when they need men in their lives.

Look #4: “The Breakup Eyes”

Description: A defeated look during a breakup that could break even a stranger’s heart.

What is accompanied by the look: Puffed out eyes, many used kleenex tissues, stained wine lips, tears, trembling lips and constantly running noses.

What is our initial reaction?: Unless we’re bastards, seeing these eyes make us feel weak and sick to our stomachs. We feel broken that we broke your heart even if it’s the best decision. We feel like the villains and will hold back our own tears until we leave.

Which ladies are likely to give these looks?: Any woman really.

The Final And Most Effective Look: “The BEDROOM Eyes”

Description:  the kind of deep, intense, soulful, piercing, and often doe eyes that make any guy want to take that woman into their bedrooms and f*ck them like it’s the end of the world.

What is accompanied by the look?: alcohol, lip biting, shy glances, flushed cheeks, hair twirling, flirty touching and conversations about sex.

What is our initial reaction?: I’m telling you right now, bedroom eyes are every guy’s weakness. It doesn’t matter if these looks will eventually turn into all of the above looks I have mentioned, it is the look that makes every man either fall in love or get himself in a world of trouble. It is simply our kryptonite.

So ladies, if you didn’t know the power you had in your eyes, you should know now.  They truly are the cheat sheets to your hearts and to your inner-most thoughts. Just like pictures, a woman’s look is worth a thousand words. 

Missing any looks? Let me know in the comment section below! 

Sabrina had gone out with her friends that night to see the new ’Resident Evil’ movie and because I didn’t feel like watching her drool over Boris Kodjoe, Oded Fehr and every other C-list actor in her celebrity freebie list, I decided to hang out at my sister’s place and drink a few beers. Well a few turned into twelve and I was hammered.  So before I crashed, I sent a nearly incoherent text message to Sabrina about where I was at three in the morning and crashed on my sister’s beyond comfortable guest bed.

It was so comfortable that I missed the several phone calls and text messages I received in the middle of the night. (Although I do think the alcohol was a big factor in that as well.)

Knowing I was already in the doghouse before wiping the sleep out of the corners of my eyes, I called Sabrina from my sister’s home line, so she would know for sure I was sleeping there.  When I tried telling her my phone was about to die, (which was partially true) she told me that I needed to grow up and then promptly hung up the phone on me.

I was very confused and that was because although I didn’t know it a few days ago, I was still living like a guy who lived on his own. I technically didn’t do anything to jeopardize our relationship if we had still had our own places, but now that we are living together, I had now disrespected it.

When you’re living with a girlfriend, there are certain things you can’t do that you probably wouldn’t have thought of if you weren’t living together.

Texting Your Girlfriend That You’re Crashing At A Buddy’s House

I decided to start with this point, since this was the reason why I was in the doghouse in the first place. No matter how easy going your girlfriend is, if you send her a text message in the middle of the night that you’re crashing at your friend’s house, you will be in trouble by the time you get home. Have the decency to at least to call her because you don’t need to give her reason to worry.  Also, if she’s out that night with her friends and you don’t even call to make sure she got home safely, don’t expect sex for at least a week.

Going Out With Your Buddies Three Nights In A Row

When you lived on your own, you had the freedom to schedule your social life as you see fit. When you’re living with someone however, certain social activities are expected to change or the frequency at least. So when you decide to hang out with your buddies every weeknight like you used to, trust me your relationship won’t last.  When you move in with someone for the RIGHT reasons, you’re putting out there that you want your relationship to evolve to the next level and it can’t if you keep living your life the way you used to.

 Not Clearing Your Web Browsing History Daily

Unless you want your girlfriend to know your avid love for Orgasm.com or Redtube, it’s best to clear your web browsing history or you will be in the doghouse.

Avoid Writing On Your Girlfriend’s Facebook Wall

Thankfully, I have a girlfriend who knows how I feel about Facebook and how I value going off the grid when it comes to our real-life relationship, but I noticed a lot of girls still expect their significant others to write posts on their Facebook walls even when they live together. To get her off your back, make sure to write a couple of nice comments or like a couple of statuses when she’s not around.

Putting All The Bills Under HER Name

I can not tell you how horrible this idea is. I don’t care if you’ll be saving money due to bundles under her cell and internet plan, do not put the bills under her name because if you don’t have the money at the end of the month, it’s her credit and your piece of mind that suffers.

Dry Humping Your Girlfriend To Initiate Sex

The longer you live together, the easier it is to lack effort when it comes to initiating sex. I know I have been guilty of squeezing my girlfriend’s breast like a horn or humping her back when we’re spooning in hopes of getting lucky. However, if you keep this up, the passion will fade as well.  It’s okay to be comfortable, just don’t get too comfortable and to the point where she feels like an unpaid prostitute.

Forgetting To Mark The Day Her “PMS BEAST” Arrives

The only way to survive her PMS beast is by being prepared for when it hits.  You will be able to judge the severity of your fights if you know when it’s coming. (CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS)

I’m going to be honest, moving in with someone is not easy. It’s full of good times, but it’s also full of not-so good times. It’s change and although it can be scary, change is always welcoming and life-altering. If you can survive your readjustment period, then you can survive anything. 

THOUGHTS? Let me know in the comment section!

You see, when a man is exclusively going out with a woman, she’s his lady, his queen and his prima donna.  We may know you’re not a virgin, but we definitely delude ourselves that when we’re with you, we are the only ones that you have been intimate with.

I bring up this subject, because I know that when you’re in a long-term relationship or if just started dating someone exclusively,  a lot of women (at least a lot I know) tend to turn to their Cosmopolitan magazine looking for something new to try in the sack and let me tell you now that 70 percent of the suggestions in that magazine would have your boyfriend running for the hills if you dared try them.

So without further ado, here are five no-nos you should never commit when you’re in a committed relationship:

5. Playing With The Perineum

Here’s a cardinal sin that I see Cosmopolitan promote on a monthly basis and for some f*cked up reason, the magazine actually says this is extremely encouraged. Let me tell you right now, I don’t care if the spot is supposed to be pleasurable, it’s not.  We won’t let you get close enough to prove us otherwise. Besides, do you really want your finger near our hairy, dirty assholes anyway?  If you want to test my theory out, ask him if you can touch “it” after he begs you for anal. He will quickly shut his f*cking trap.  Trust me.

 4. Initiating Threesomes

If a man is truly into you and if you’re not in an open relationship, trust me when I say he does not want to share you with anyone. Sure, he may fantasize about being in a three-way with you and your sexy best friend, but it should always stay a fantasy.  No guy I know (including myself) have been in a threesome with someone they are still currently dating.

3. Asking Him To Hit You

I love rough sex.  If you want me to throw you around, toss you on the bed and give it to you hard, then that’s A-ok. One time, I was with a girl who liked it way too rough.  She asked me to hit her and when I didn’t oblige, she slapped me multiple times, begging me to hit her. When I still didn’t oblige, she then started punching herself in the face. Yes, my erection was gone faster than a pack of Lindsay Lohan’s cigarettes.  If a man considers you “his lady,” he does not want to hurt you and even if he’s tempted to give you a little slap, he probably won’t because who knows what could happen down the road. What happens when you break up and you happen to accuse of him hitting you? It’s our insurance from blackmail just in case a bad breakup does occur in the future.  Just stick to spanking.

2. Any Role Play Scenarios That Involve Us Playing Your Father

I never understood the whole, “who’s your daddy?” thing.  It’s creepy, f*cked up and weird and basically just verifies that you snagged a gal with mucho daddy issues. In short, don’t ever call your boyfriend “daddy” in bed. (“Papi” is a mild exception.)

1. Golden Shower Play

Don’t ever ask your boyfriend for a golden shower.  I don’t care how strong and loving your relationship is now, if you ever break up, you will forever be known as “the girl who likes to get pissed on.” Not exactly a title a woman should ever embrace.

Am I leaving any acts out? Let me know in the comment section below! 

However, I find that women don’t always think that men can see their flaws as well.  Sure, y’all are aware of the fact that we aware of your PMS Beast, your nagging and your jealous streaks.  Although, many of you ladies think we don’t notice the things you notice in the mirror about yourselves and the hard hitting truth is….yes we do.  If we’re good boyfriends, you’ll never know.

However, I thought it was a good idea to reveal to you the list of flaws (no matter how shallow they are) we notice and even though most of them aren’t dump-worthy, there are some that are most certainly deal-breakers.

“The Comfort Pooch”

No, I’m not talking about a lap dog, but rather I am talking about the soft belly that pokes out of your jeans and shirt like a mushroom top. When it comes to weight gain, this is the first thing men notice.  Men have extremely different preferences when it comes to breasts and asses, but when it comes to the stomach, we all really like a flat one.  We also take notice of your stomach to make sure you don’t need to take a pregnancy test. We have beer guts, women have comfort pooches. It’s just the way of life.

“Your Chipped Toe Nail Polish”

Oh my god, this is one of my biggest pet peeves and thank god, my girlfriend has ADD when it comes to taking care of her toes. Like my buddy James had once said, there is no bigger turn-off then a woman with chipped nail polish.  If  the only thing left of your polish is a chipped blob on your big toe, then trust me, we notice. We consider it a flaw because if you’re too lazy to take care of your feet, what else are you too lazy to do?

Your Old, Worn Out Undies

We may not notice when you get a hair cut or when you purchase a new outfit, but we damn sure notice if you’re wearing the same stretched out, holey panties to bed. We don’t expect you to buy lingerie every month, but when you wear old and unflattering panties (especially when it’s not that “time of the month”) it grosses us out a bit.

Your Lack of Cooking Skills

This may sound sexist but men really appreciate a woman who can cook.  We tend to ignore the fact that your fridge is full of take-out containers only if you’re good in between the sheets. (Sad, but true.) This is a flaw that only magnifies when the sex is lacking and especially when you’re living together.

Your Horrible Tweezing Job

Ladies, your eyebrows are the biggest things that can change and define your face and your beautiful eyes.  So when you tweeze too much or you try to cover your blunders by covering your entire brow with an eyeliner that is darker than your actual eyebrows, we have to try our best to look unfazed when inside we’re thinking ‘Holy f*ck! Did she even see her damn reflection in the mirror before leaving the house?’  We really don’t give a f*ck about your makeup, just make sure your brows are symmetrical.

Your Stubble

When it comes to the bikini area, men are more forgiving, since we don’t mind going through the rough, to get laid. ( I personally prefer ladies with hair down there.) However, if you think we don’t notice the ingrown hairs in your armpits or the lone flowing hair behind your ankle, think again.

Your Facial Regime

When I was a dick years back, I actually dumped a girl who didn’t use cleanser or moisturizer on her face. After 25, it’s important to have certain facial products to keep your skin as young as can be. In my opinion, everyone should have a cleanser, facial scrub, toner and moisturizer in their medicine cabinets. (Especially when it comes to the fairer sex.)

Your Drinking Habits

No man wants to be with a woman who is a heavy drinker. (unless he is a heavy drinker who needs someone to support his disease.) So trust me, we pay attention to how much drink, how you act when you’re too drunk and how many times you go out with your girlfriends to drink.

Your Laziness In The Sack

Ladies, if your long-term boyfriend can count on both hands how many times you have gone “on top” in the sack, then you are lazy as f*ck.  If you can’t switch it up, then believe me, he will be switching it up by finding another girl who is willing to get creative in bed. We’re simple creatures that way.

Name Dropping of Your Ex

Everytime you mention your ex’s name, we tally a mental count in our heads. Unless we ask about details from your last relationship, trust me, we don’t want to hear about it.  I only say this to spare you the insecure feelings and the fights that will inevitably be caused from them.

So there it is! You can hate me all you want, but I’m telling you this is the god honest truth.  Remember, we’re all human and nowhere near perfect and if you have a man in your life that ignores these flaws, then that just shows you how much he loves you—because he loves ALL of you.

Thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below!

Yes, I’m alive. I’m sorry for being such a selfish f*cking bastard, but my disappearance was not related to family or my relationship. It was simply based off a drunken dare in my local pub–and let me tell you now, it helped me immensely.

A little over a month ago, my high school buddy, Emmanuel came into town to visit. Emmanuel (or Manny as I can him) and I always got along because we both led the same challenging path of being struggling writers. Expecting to share self-deprecating stories of our writing process, I was surprised to see him in higher spirits and looking sharp as ever.

He then went on to tell me that he sold one of his screenplays to a big film company and that him and his high school sweetheart recently got engaged.  Of course, I was happy for him–but it is only human to feel jealous when you see someone close to you succeed in something you feel like you’re failing at.

When I asked him how he was able to do it, he then told me his secret was by simply going off the grid.  He took a month off work and refused to check his email, iPhone and social media networks. It was during that time he was able to get his script done and spend quality time with his fiancee and has never felt happier in his life.

“Jimmy, look at all these people around us sitting at their tables. Not a one of them are not glancing at their phones every two minutes. We’re living in time where machines are actually controlling man kind. Things come way too easy to us now and that is why we’re constantly distracted from building true relationships with ourselves and with those around us. You should give it a try, man.” he said.

I had already been experimenting with going off on the grid on weekends and I see how social media networks like Facebook Timeline and Twitter have already affected romantic relationships with the increase of needless fights, jealousy, obsession and emotional cheating. Although, I didn’t feel like I could last a month. I told Manny it was tempting, but I couldn’t do it.

“Yo man, don’t be a p*ssy. I know you run that blog, but if your readers really respect you, they’ll be back. Take the time to write off the grid and to chill with your woman without any distractions. Trust me, it pays off.”

I still obliged. It was then he offered me a thousand dollars from his advance he got for selling his screenplay if I did it, I was immediately sold.

So when I got home, I made Sabrina hide my lap top and iPod. Turned off my blackberry and reactivated my huge Zack Morris-like pay as you go phone from years ago, dusted off my VHS player and grabbed my Vinyl player from storage and started my detox of all things to do with today’s technology.

Let me tell you now that although it paid off, it was one of the most difficult things I had to do. In fact, I’m already planned my quit date from cigarettes since nic-fitting has nothing on tweet-fitting. However, it was definitely one of the most rewarding and here are some things that improved in my life when I went M.I.A online:

1. It Made Me Appreciate The Little Things

When you have a month off work and have your days to yourself, it can be especially freeing, albeit boring at times especially when you live with someone–and don’t have porn to look at online. So instead of doing my usual routine, I created a new one. Every morning, I did something I haven’t done for years—buy the newspaper. After buying the newspaper, I would grab a Timmy’s coffee and then go to High Park and read it. It doesn’t sound like much, but trust me if it was very therapeutic.  I also bought a disposable camera (much to the dismay of the Wal-mart clerk who sold it to me) and started snapping pictures of my surroundings and with Sabrina and I. I would then get them developed and wait and be excited to see the results. Doing this made me remember how we take the little things for granted.  It was definitely what I needed.

2. Made Date Nights Far More Interesting

Going off the grid was great for my relationship since I didn’t have to see my girlfriend roll her eyes every time she would see that red blinking light go off on my BlackBerry.  During this month, every time we had a date, she made sure she was off the grid as well. We went to record stores and picked up some obscure soul vinyls and since my Netflix was officially off limits, we got a membership for an independent video store where we would rent old movies when we wanted some quiet date nights home.  We went to amusement parks, to campsites, beaches and had hikes and had so many ideas for future dates all because we didn’t have our computers distracting us.

3. I Learned A lot About Tantra

What I can say? I had a lot of time to read.

4. I Introduced Phone Sex Back Into My Life

Remember the times before skyping and misspelled sexting took over our sex lives when our partners were away? Well, when Sabrina went to Montreal to visit her family and I didn’t even have a working phone that could text, I had to rely on phone sex to keep the passion alive and believe me, it was hot.  I felt like a horny teenager all over again. God bless my girlfriend’s colorful vocabulary.

5. I Re-Connected With Friends & Family

Facebook and Twitter has falsely provided us a safety net when it comes to being connected to our friends and family.  It wasn’t until I was off the grid that I truly realized that ‘liking’ a friend’s link or status, is not the same as bonding with them.  So on my downtime, I called friends from my ancient phone, made plans and re-connected with people I haven’t seen offline for years.

Overall, although I’m glad to be back online to re-connect with my readers, being off the grid definitely was an eye-opening experience. I may not have written a highly in demand screenplay like my buddy did, but that’s not to say it wasn’t as rewarding. It’s funny how when we’re always logged on, we never realize how precious and how short life really is. We spend so much time online that we forget how to live life to the fullest. I encourage you all to take the 30-day challenge just to see how much your life changes for the better.

Now if you excuse me, I have 10 crisp 100 dollar bills to put into my bank account—because I have something to save up for.

Thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below!  

“Yes sweetie, you’re right. Having a fridge full of Coors Light Iced Tea is in no way emasculating.”

To medium-sized ones:

” I don’t mind listening to Lana Del Ray at all. She’s not the vapid, talentless c*nt I thought she was.  It’s a good change for all the soul music I listen to. Yes, I should open myself to other genres. “

And to huge whoppers:

” I AM so happy to see you everyday and share my bed with you every night and your drooling and cover hogging is still as cute as ever and does not in any way make me want to jump off the balcony and end it all right now.”

All jokes aside, moving in together has been a huge transition, but it also has been a rewarding one so far despite some mild complaints.  Although, the lies I have been telling reminded me of a few lies that a lot of men say when it comes to sparing a female’s feelings. At this point , most women know the most common ones:

“She’s just a friend.”

“I’m too tired, you wore me out.”

“I’ll be home soon and not all plastered.”

However, there are a few that really make me laugh to this day and I avoid saying them altogether because of how utterly transparent they are.

1. “You’re The Marrying Kind, Not The Dating Kind.”

This is pretty much a fancier way of saying “you’re too good for me.” What men really mean by this is that ‘you’re really nice, but you don’t do it for me in regards to your personality, your looks and your lack of effort in the sack.’  It’s really a stupid saying if you think of it. If we really dig you, the dating kind will turn into the marrying kind—well unless you’re Tom Cruise of course.

 2. “I’m Not Going To Compare You To My Ex. It’s Like Apples and Oranges.”

Ladies, note any time a guy says “apples and oranges,” it means that you are not the hotter one.  Also, if you don’t want to get your feelings hurt, don’t ask stupid ass questions like ‘was your ex prettier than me?’ in the first place.

 3. “He’s Not Right For You.”

Never trust a member of the opposite sex, whether it be an ex-boyfriend or a guy friend when it comes to your current relationship.  No guy who is into you is going to approve your relationship. You could be dating Superman for all we care, we’ll still say he ain’t shit just so we can get our egos or dicks stroked. Sad, but true.

4. “I Don’t Mind If You Have Guy Friends.”

The fine print should read, “as long as they’re gay, nerdy and siblings.”

5. “You Are The Best I’ve Ever Had.”

If you are a loving, level-headed woman we are committed to then chances are you are NOT the best we ever had in the sack.  The women we have the best sex with are usually unhinged, raving lunatics who were once our friends with benefits.  It’s not that sex with you is not fulfilling in anyway, it’s just that psycho girls with daddy issues really are the best unfortunately—if they weren’t, we would never have had any psycho exes in the first place.

Have anymore lies you want to add to the list? Let me know in the comment section below! 

If you have been wondering where the hell I’ve been, I have just been adapting to having Sabrina move in with me (i.e. buying new furniture, painting the walls and negotiating which one of my movie posters can stay up on the wall) and just now am I finding time to write.

While writing a new blog for the week, I received an email from a lovely reader named Carmina. She wrote me a detailed question I thought I would like to share and provide an answer for.

Hey Jimmy,

I’ve been reading your blog lately and I have to say I’m really impressed. A lot of the blogs gave me some good advice for relationships. I was hoping you would do a blog about opening up with a significant other. Up until recently, a significant other of mine made me aware that I don’t open up to them as often as I should. I was told that I have been emotionally unavailable and that he feels that I haven’t fully given myself to him. All I want to know is what does it all mean? Where do I start and how do I even open up? I know it’ll take time, considering that I have a problem expressing myself and it’s not an overnight change, but I want a starting point. I’d really appreciate this. Thank you. 

*******

Hey Carmina!

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for your kind email and if anybody can relate to not being able to open up, it’s me. However, I never thought I would have to give this advice to a chick is all.

Okay, let’s get to the nitty gritty. When a guy accuses the girl he’s dating of being “emotionally unavailable,” he’s subliminally telling you, “I know you love your ex more than you love me.”  It’s a sad truth but it happens more often than it doesn’t.

Men are used to being the listeners in the relationship.  Most times, women are the ones sharing too revealing personal anecdotes that make us go crazy and although I applaud you for being one of the few women that knows when to omit certain details from your past, it seems like whatever is in the past is keeping you from moving forward and opening up.

First ask yourself this question: Are you truly into this guy? I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but you referred to the guy you’re seeing as “a significant other of mine” instead of just saying “my boyfriend or my significant other.”  Those five little words told me (at least) you don’t like the exclusivity of a relationship status–not even over an email to a stranger.

If this is the case, don’t feel bad.  I don’t care if he’s the greatest guy in the entire world, you might not have the lasting chemistry you long for because the truth of the matter is, when you find someone who makes your heart skip a beat, it shouldn’t be difficult to open up to them.  It should just come out naturally.

 However, there are things that are hard to bring up in conversation and if that’s the case, then you need to set some time aside and let ‘that significant other of yours’ ask you any question that is bugging him.  If you trust him, then it shouldn’t be that hard to go through.

Unfortunately, I can’t give you a step by step guide to get through this one, sweetie.  There is obviously something holding you back and it could be anything from an ex to abandonment issues. This is something you may have to figure out on your own to realize what is the real reason for not giving all of yourself to the person you’re dating. 

We’ve all been there and the only thing I can truly suggest is to talk to a trusted friend about this dilemma because it’s a lot easier to be open with your feelings about a relationship to a friend than it is to your lover. Although, do it sooner rather than later if you still want this man in your life.

Best, 

Jimmy

Anything else you readers would like to suggest to Carmina?  Use the comment section below!